Adichie’s depiction
of the role of marriage in Nigerian society contrasts how marriage is viewed in
western society. In western society, marriage is commonly seen as a union
of two people who are in love. Contrastingly in Nigerian society, Adichie displays
how marriage in many situations is more of an agreement based upon
necessity. Adichie develops how marriage in Nigerian society is an
achievement in life that women strive to reach.
Marriage and a
wedding ceremony are presented as a goal that Nigerian women must reach to be
successful. Adichie presents marriage as a major goal of many of the women that
surround her. This is captured when Ifemelu returns home from the U.S. and
catches up with her friends from childhood and she notices the “wapish tone in
the voices of the unmarried, a smugness in those of the married” (Adichie 490).
That observation illuminates how marriage is a proud accomplishment that women
attempt to reach. Their “wapish” tone demonstrates how the women feel they are
looked down upon societally for being unmarried. Thus finding a husband and
marrying them is not necessarily a personal desire but a necessity to appease
societal expectations. This point is emphasized when Pyrie explains that she
had a successful wedding as a result of “having seven governors in attendance”
(Adichie 492). Meaning that weddings are carried out to display one’s status
and their prestige in society.
An interesting example of this is Aunty Uju
explaining that she wanted to marry Bartholomew simply because “he's not bad,
he's got a good job” (Adichie 144). Uju’s desire to marry Bartholomew without
emotional or even financial reasons demonstrate how she is marrying Bartholomew
for the sake of being married. This shows how the draw in Nigerian
culture to be married is so strong, it continued to be ingrained in her after
moving to the U.S.
Relationships between
men and women in Nigeria is demonstrated in some cases as essentially a
contractual agreement where each partner provides something for the other. Don promises
Ranyinudo a new jeep ( Adichie 481) while Ranyinudo would contemplate if she
“should have a child for him?” (Adichie 481). Their relationship demonstrates
how relations between men and women can revolve around a mutually beneficial
exchange rather than love.
This Nigerian
attitude towards marriage that is developed in the novel is contradicted
against American society. While many Nigerian women seem to have to compromise
for a husband, American women seem to marry men who they fall in love with. For
example, Kimberly is portrayed as deeply in love with Don. Adichie writes that
Kimberly would be “fluttery and ardent” when Don, her husband, would return
home from work (Adichie 198).
It is important to
note though that not all Nigerian relationships are portrayed as such. For
example, Ifemelu and Obinze relationship when they were young was based on
their love and enjoyment of one another.
This post makes a good point on the differing views of marriage that Americans and Nigerians have. Americans, in their upbeat, optimistic view on the world, believe marriage should be based on love. Ifemelu’s only relationship with a white American is with Curt, an individual who is described as “upbeat, relentlessly so, in a way that only an American of his kind could be.” (page 242) Curt does everything in his power to make Ifemelu love him. He helps her find a job, he takes her on lavish vacations, and he helps her get citizenship. However, when he finds out Ifemelu wants to break up with him, he responds forcefully by stating “’I don’t want to be a sweetheart. I want to be the fucking love of your live.’” (page 278) His optimistic view of their relationship makes him believe that they can transcend their differences, both racial and personal, to love each other for life. However, Nigerian relationships often are not this way. An example not mentioned in this post can be seen near the start of the novel. Aisha states, “’Igbo men take care of women real good,’…’I want marry. They love me but they say the family want Igbo woman. Because Igbo marry Igbo always.’” (page 18) In this example, Aisha simply wants to marry an Igbo man, either of the two, because they have a reputation of taking care of their women financially. Furthermore, the belief that Igbo can only marry Igbo, true or not, plays into the idea that Nigerian marriage is not really based on love.
ReplyDeleteSome of the same attitudes that you've observed in the Nigerian relationships are also present in western relationships. I found interesting the parallels between Obinze and Kosi's relationship and Don and Kimberly's relationship. Kosi was constantly fearful of her husband's interactions with single woman, not even inviting her best friend from university over. "Kosi expected him to cheat, and her concern was to minimize the possibilities he might have" (42), even though Obinze assured her that nothing would happen. Kimberly, on the other hand, had more reason to act this way. When Don arrived home from work earlier than usual, Kimberly's entire demeanor changed as he walked into the room; she was more self-conscious and spoke in a higher voice (184). When the couple had friends over, she paid close attention to him, at one point looking for him and she saw him, "her face became soft, and shorn of worry" (210). Don openly flirts with women and it never seems to go beyond that, but Kimberly is always afraid that something may happen and feels the need to cater to him. Additionally, Ifemelu tells Obinze that "Kimberly adores her husband, and her husband adores himself. She should leave him but she never will" (563). Even though Don and Kimberly's relationship doesn't seem transactional, it doesn't seem like a good example of love either, and the idea of women having to cater to their husbands in order to keep them exists in both Nigerian and western societies.
ReplyDeleteOne point that you make that I would like to expand upon is the way Aunty Uju approached marrying Bartholomew. You mention that she wants to be married simply for the sake of being married which I agree with, but I also believe that there is a financial aspect to that decision. When she was with The General in the beginning of the book, I believe the financial aspect of his wealth was a big part of what kept them together. The fact that he was able to buy her a house, and let her live a life of luxury only helped strengthen their relationship, which wasn't even a marriage to begin with. Then, besides the desire to have a child with Bartholomew, I believe Aunty Uju's perspective that he had a good job was part of the reason she wanted to be with him, and upon learning that he was not successful helped lead to their breakup. Her discontent seemed to grow when Bartholomew starts asking Aunty Uju for money, "He wants me to give him my salary. Imagine!" (270). This truly seemed like the beginning of the end as Uju went from liking him, to not speaking about him, to complaining about how he is never around, to actively disliking him and thereafter leaving. Therefore, it is my belief that if Bartholomew did actually have a good job, he and Aunty Uju may have been able to make things work and maybe even have a child.
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